It’s taken a long time getting to this point, but here we are. I always dreamed of the day we could go on family bike rides but it felt so out of reach during the years of toddlerhood. I remember pushing strollers down the Wissahickon trail and seeing families just like ours but the future version where our kids could confidently handle biking by strangers without smashing into anyone or smashing themselves into boulders. It felt like a lofty, very far in the future goal at the time. Fast forward to this year where my kids are 11 and 8 and are handling crossing busy streets and avoiding clipping the curb (most of the time at least) with their bikes. That saying about never having to learn to ride a bike twice wasn’t true for my son who learned during the summer of 2022 but then had to relearn two years later since he didn’t bike much more than that one day when he initially learned (we bribed him with a family outing to get ice cream if he would attempt to learn and once he got his soft serve with sprinkles he seemed to be satisfied with the whole ‘bike’ thing).

After reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt and realizing I had erred on the side of instilling caution over adventure in my kids, I was determined to reroute my parenting approach. One way of doing that would be to help my kids feel confident on their bikes out in the real world. Being a ‘safety is more important than anything forever and always’ type of mom for years, it took a lot of bravery on my part to suggest we bike through our neighborhood to the local cemetery. When we arrived and no one was dead or bleeding profusely, I felt a deep sigh of relief and a surge of pride for my kids who jumped at the idea of this new challenge. As they biked their little hearts out along the sycamore lined path in the beautiful end of summer air, I felt tears welling up and knew I had made the right move to choose an adventure mindset over a fear based mindset (an idea I learned from The Anxious Generation).

After that first venture out into the world two weeks ago, my 8 year old asked if this could be our new routine and we happily said YES. Our biking era was upon us and we were all happier and healthier because of it.

Then yesterday the same 8 year old asked if we could bike after dinner. We said yes but he had shown signs of being sick that day and so I was a bit hesitant. I stuffed some tissues in my pocket and hopped on our bikes to give it a go. Immediately, he almost crashes into his sister on our steep driveway; not the best omen for our evening bike ride. The bickering between the kids continues as his sister decides he is going too slow and passes him to get ahead. I threaten to cancel this bike ride and head home which quiets down the fighting.

Every time my son needs to wipes his nose (which is every 60-120 seconds), he slams on his breaks and I get REAL close to slamming into him 3 times despite leaving plenty of room between us. I am hesitant to keep going but the kids are begging to continue and when your kids beg to do the thing that you know is good for them you say yes so we continue. We get to a tricky part of our ride where we have to make a 90 degree turn on a sidewalk by a busy street and I warn my son to go slow as not to fall or accidentally go into the road. Maybe because I put the idea out into the universe or because he wasn’t feeling quite himself or because he is 8 learning to navigate biking in new areas, he takes the corner too fast and just barely misses going down the curb and into the road. My heart is outside of my chest and I am regretting my stupid adventure mindset and envisioning all the horrible things that could have happened while daydreaming about being safe at home on our couch where there are no dangerous vehicles and no bandaids needed.

After giving my son a talking to (aka ‘you could have died if you went into that road and got hit by a car so please listen to me next time and be more careful!’… I could have done better with that, I am aware), we approached the intersection that is right next to the cemetery and the light is green and the walking symbol is encouraging us to cross so we do. As I am crossing the road behind my family, a mom is smiling at us from her van and says “Good job, mama”. I smile back and say thanks and take a deep breath. She has no idea how much those three words just meant to me. Sometimes someone says something to you and you just know that it will stick with you always. This was one of those moments. I was ready to abandon this whole dream turned reality thing because of one close call and all it took was the kindness in this woman’s heart to change my whole mindset. I WAS doing a good job (as was my husband) and that became crystal clear as we entered the cemetery where we could be a little less cautious and embrace the freedom and in the moment-ness that is biking. My kids sped up and explored the various pathways as the sun began its beautiful decent behind the trees. Another day coming to a close. Another day making memories with my family, my favorite people.

All this to say a gigantic thank you to the woman I will never get to thank in real life. This was also a beautiful reminder to myself to keep saying kind words of encouragement or random compliments to strangers and friends alike. It makes such a difference in this crazy world when we can connect in this human way with those in our orbit. Parenting is wild with its chaotic and unpredictable peaks and valleys and feeling seen and heard and encouraged is a fuel we all need to keep doing it day after day.