I
know it’s still January and all and everyone is still pumped about their resolutions, but some goals are just downright depressing… like weight goals. How crazy is it that so many of us have picked a number out of the sky and put so much emotion and energy behind trying to make that dream a reality? Why do we think that life will be so different when we hit that number? Do we truly believe that we will all of the sudden love ourselves and our body the moment the scale tells us what we want to hear?
I’ve always had it in my head that 140 is the perfect weight for me. I was 130 in high school and so 140 seemed like a reasonable goal for the adult version of myself. When I was deep into my Keto lifestyle, I reached that goal and guess what- I was not living the magical dreamy life I had imagined. Instead, I was obsessed with alllll the numbers. I weighed my food and myself and spent so many hours of my day thinking, preparing and writing about food (or searching the internet high and low for a sugar free dessert that didn’t taste like shit which never happened). Even though I was at my goal weight, I still wasn’t satisfied. You’d think I would give myself a high five and move on and live my skinny ass life but no. Instead, I studied the mirror to find things I could improve on like losing just a few more pounds.
Why do we obsess so much about how we look and about how much we weigh? Isn’t there more to life than all this self obsessed bullshit? Why can’t we just eat when we are hungry or if we just fucking feel like eating for the fun of it and then move on? Even though I stopped any kind of dieting a couple years ago, I still have that number floating around in my head like an annoying fly buzzing around my house that I just can’t seem to kill. The sound of it is driving me crazy and I am about to pull out the big guns and demolish that little fucker!
It is time I let go of my ridiculous fantasy number and put my scale in storage. It is time I make room in my thoughts for things that matter more than losing 10 pounds (which is pretty much anything and everything). It is time I accept who I am today. Embrace myself. Celebrate myself. Enjoy all the foods that nourish and comfort me without any of the absurd guilt. Move my body when it feels right rather than because I think I should. Throw out the many insidious food rules. The exercise rules. The expectations of society. Fuck all of it! Life is too damn short to sit around eating egg-white omelets when we really want a bacon and egg breakfast wrap (one of my personal favorites). Life is too short to get stuck in a cycle of restricting and then over-stuffing ourselves and then back to restricting. Life is too short to put more energy into obsessing over our bodies rather than bettering ourselves as human beings.
MAKE THE DAMN BED 
I love your honesty here Abigail. I am fortunate I have never been the type to own a scale, and eat on impulse of what I feel like. I am lucky my Italian grandmother had a garden and in the summer, I would pick the cucumbers and carrots from the dirt, and we would wash them and eat them. So I crave the raw carrots sometimes, and the apples, due to going apple picking as a child. Chocolate is my only vice, and thank goodness I do not live in Pennsylvania otherwise I would visit Hershey’s chocolate factory on a weekly basis. I have never in my life found a VEGAN cookie that tasted good. I am a steak and potatoes kind of girl. But I will admit I have gained the “Quarantine 15” (lbs) during COVID. Partly because the gyms were closed, partly because I was in a bad depression. And I craved cool ranch Dorito chips and those Cheeto’s puffs with Chester the Cheetah on them. And it doesn’t help my Chicago friend Vera sent me 9 lbs of my favorite kind of gummy bears for my birthday. Which I gave a lot of gummy bears away to a lot of kids aged 3-10 years old, and they were very happy with those Indiana born gummy bears. (From the Albanese gummy bear factory). It’s all in moderation. I know I am doing the best I can in the moment. I love chocolate and I am fine with that!
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I’m doing a Whole30 this month to get my relationship with food under control – 2020 hit me hard! Yes, it involves all kinds of rules, but there is actually a point to those rules, and the point has NOTHING to do with losing weight (that’s just a happy side effect). The point is to eliminate all foods that may be causing physical or psychological stress for 30 days, then reintroduce the eliminated foods – one food group at a time – to evaluate how that food group makes me feel. Does gluten make me anxious? Does dairy make me bloated? Does sugar induce crazy cravings for all things junk food? If the answer is “no,” I add them back to my daily diet. If the answer is “yes,” I cut them out of my regular life unless I decide eating them is worth it. Let’s say it turns out that gluten does do horrible things to my emotional state (apparently this is a thing). I won’t eat crackers on a regular basis anymore, but I’ll be damned if I miss out on Yorkshire Pudding at Christmas! The idea is to let go of “good” or “bad” labels on foods, and instead be mindful of the effects they have on me personally. That way I can make educated decisions FOR MYSELF on how much and how often to include the less-healthy stuff in my life.
I’m an emotional/stress eater, and I have felt so out of control over the last year or so. The Whole30 rules actually make me feel better, in control. There is no calorie counting or deprivation here, either. I do miss my wine, though! Not so much the wine hangovers…
I absolutely agree that the number on the scale should NOT have the kind of hold over us that it does. I just want to be in a place where I feel comfortable in my skin and in control of what I put into my body. If that includes eating cookies on the reg, awesome!
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Rebecca!
I enjoyed reading your comment. I have also done the WHOLE30 Challenge, but the most challenging part of that for me was the NO SUGAR, starving that SUGAR DRAGON. After the 30 day challenge, I did reduce my sugar intake, but cannot cut it out completely. Best of luck with it! Glad you gained control on the Whole 30! If you have the WHOLE 30 book on page 240 The Halibut with Citrus Ginger Glaze is my favorite, but since Halibut can be expensive I went with COD. (Interesting fact you wrote about gluten affecting emotions–I found out from a beauty supply store that if you have gluten allergy also check the ingredients in your shampoo, because gluten resides there and could cause breakout of scalp). (I once had a vegetarian roommate who insisted eating corn, made her angry. And she reduced her gluten and wheat, and I remember she would always have Sierra Pale Ales in the fridge, because it had reduced levels of gluten, but not entirely gluten free). May you have much success in the new year! –Dina 🙂
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There is so much out there about how we should eat and in the end we all have to decide what makes us the happiest (which is no easy feat). I didn’t realize Whole30 had nothing to do with losing weight, I love that. I also love that the point of it is to learn more about yourself and how foods make you feel. That is the one thing I hold on to- focusing on how foods make me feel and listening to my body throughout the day. I hope this helps you find more about what makes you feel great!
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