Occasionally, I read a book that actually changes my life which is a pretty amazing feat if you think about it. At various times in my life, I have been ripe and ready for a change and sometimes I have been lucky enough to stumble upon just the right book to inspire such change. I am forever in debt to the authors that have eloquently and masterfully compiled their experiences, reflections and research into an easily digestible book for my consumption. So without further ado, here are my hall of fame books to live by and how they have affected my day to day life (FYI, I get a small commission for purchases made through links in this post):
Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids
by Kim John Payne
Simplicity Parenting is my parenting Bible. It is the manual that I wished for when I brought my firstborn home from the hospital. It has provided me with a philosophy that has been the backbone of how I’ve approached parenting ever since I read it back in 2015.
In a busy world where moms and dads feel more like chauffeurs than parents, this book encouraged me to keep things simple by not over-scheduling myself or my kids. Instead of music lessons and soccer league, my kids have plenty of free time to explore an assortment of hobbies (and I am not stuck in the driver seat escorting them from activity to activity).
Simplicity Parenting warned me of the anxiety that could take seed and grow within my children if they are exposed to too much news or other adult themed stressors. This inspired me to be wary of how much news and advertisements they are exposed to.
This book has taught me the importance of my children’s environment and provided me with specific ways to simplify their rooms and toys in order to encourage creative play. It gave me permission to avoid buying too many “fixed” toys (think Spider-Man action figure or Dora the Explorer doll) in order to help my children build their imaginations through play. This book also solidified an inkling I already had: one of the best things I could do for my children is to give them time in nature, specifically time in their own backyard.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by parenting in today’s hectic world, this is the book for you.
Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach
by Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch
This book came into my life at the exact time that I desperately needed it. I was never big into dieting per se, but my relationship with food was always a bit tumultuous. I had recently gone hard into the Keto lifestyle and was obsessively measuring, weighing and counting whatever food or drink touched my lips. It was all consuming and exhausting and each night I would go to bed reviewing if I was “good” or “bad” that day based on the resulting calculations. I got to a breaking point where I recognized that I was truly unhappy and desperate for a change.
After some googling, I discovered a podcast which led me to this book (oh the beauty that is the internet!). While reading this book in early 2019, I made a promise to myself to never diet again. It taught me that making certain foods off limits or labeling food as “bad” would only result in feelings of deprivation and could possibly result in binge eating. It reminded me to trust myself when it came to food and gave me permission to listen to my body, which resulted in eating being a joyful experience once again. What a freeing realization to be free to eat anything I damn well please! I could have a donut with my family at our local bakery! I could make homemade bread and fill my house with that amazing fresh bread smell! I could eat veggies and fruits without googling their carb count! I regained time and energy and stopped being obsessed over what my scale said each morning.
I even changed the way I approach feeding my kids by allowing them to add to the grocery shopping list and tried to take the drama out of mealtime (something that we are still working on). I don’t want them to hoard candy and snacks in their teenage years because those foods were restricted in their childhood. I want them to practice listening to their bodies (with some guidance from us) so that when they are adults, they stop eating when they are full because they want to feel great.
I encourage you to check out this book if you too are at a breaking point with your diet or want to have a better relationship with food.
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
by Marie Kondo
The title says it all! You can find out how this one book affected my life in many ways by reading this post.
Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World
By Cal Newport
Cal Newport is a god when it comes to living intentionally and with integrity. Okay, I’ve never met the guy but I have the highest of respect for him and the way he lives. I first heard about Newport when I stumbled upon his Ted Talk, “Why you should quit social media”. At the 10min 50sec mark, he talks about what life is like without social media. Now, I am a visual learner and thus have a very good visual memory (and a pretty terrible verbal memory which has proven to be quite a pain in the ass), and what he describes here has stuck with me for years. While he talks about productivity and concentration within his work life, he also talks about his peaceful life outside of work. He describes reading the newspaper while the sun comes up, listening to baseball games on the radio and how he sits in a leather chair and reads hardcover books after his kids go to bed. That got my attention. I craved an old fashioned life like the one he described and wanted to know more about how to create one.
Lucky for me, Newport wrote all about quitting social media and more with his book, Digital Minimalism. What I love about his approach is how hardcore it is. It reminds me of the way Marie Kondo suggests you go through all your things as quickly as possible to have the biggest effect. Newport will not give you little hacks that you can implement if you find yourself scrolling more than you’d like. No, he goes all out and tells his readers that they need to adopt a full on philosophy that reflects their core values in order to decide how much technology to allow in their lives.
After reading this book, I hacked away at my digital habits and websites until I was left with more free time and a calmer inner life. Since quitting social media, I fill my time with reading, writing this blog, drawing, creating things for my kids like bunk beds for their dolls out of things laying around the house, going on podcast walks, playing chess with my husband, and the list goes on!
Another thing Newport talks about is the importance of solitude. Throughout most of my life, I was a very social person who cringed at the sound of that word, but now I embrace it whole heartedly. Solitude is where ideas are born. I try to start every day without the input of others. I leave my phone in my room and pick up my journal to see what comes to me. I sometimes go on phone-less walks where I do the strangest thing- I think my thoughts and listen to the sounds of the world. This old fashioned life is so much more fulfilling than the 2d version that presents itself on a screen and I can thank Newport for encouraging me with his words and with how he lives his life.
Choose FI: Your Blueprint to Financial Independence
By Chris Malula, Brad Barrett & Jonathan Mendonsa
Okay, I’ll be honest, this will be more of a review of Brad & Jonathan’s podcast, ChooseFI, than their book (which I read and very much enjoyed but I had already learned most of what the book talked about from listening to their podcast).
Listening to Brad & Jonathan is a joy. They are genuine and encouraging and a breath of fresh air in the podcast realm. Finance can be a sensitive topic and they touch on every aspect of it without sounding smug or insulting. ChooseFI is all about becoming Financially Independent but it is more about living your best life than saving every penny. Most of the ChooseFI fans are also a part of the FIRE (Financially Independent, Retire Early) movement. A lot of people roll their eyes and stop reading there, but there is so much to learn from this community.
Moving on to how these guys have helped change my life for the better. For one thing, they have completely changed the way I view my retirement accounts. In the past, I never would have been excited to throw extra cash at our accounts (what’s the point when were so far from our goal!?), but now I get it and I just love seeing our accounts grow now that we’ve got the ball rolling. One of my goals this year was to max out our 401k and I am super proud that we have accomplished that goal and hope to do the same from here on out. I never would have attempted such a daunting objective before discovering ChooseFI and the FIRE community. Even though I’ve always been interested in budgeting and finance to a degree, I’ve never had a fire lit under my ass (bahaha) like I do now after reading this.
This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol
By Annie Grace
Speaking of subjects that make people feel uncomfortable, let’s talk about alcohol. I can hear laptops shutting, I get it! I used to want to plug my ears when people talked about the negative effects of alcohol. I used to encourage people to have more drinks than they were planning on drinking. I couldn’t imagine a date night without a fancy cocktail or a Friday night without a drink at 5pm on the dot. How boring that life would be! Boy was I wrong. I found this book recommendation again and again while perusing a subreddit /r/stopdrinking and am so thankful I found it.
Just as the author promised, this book completely changed my perception of alcohol and unveiled the truth about how our society glamorizes the drug. I used to think there were alcoholics, functional alcoholics and then “normal” drinkers but what I learned is that everyone that drinks has the potential to become addicted because alcohol is an addictive drug. The more you use the drug, the further you get towards becoming addicted. This simple and now obvious truth blew my mind.
So, why did I pick up this book in the first place? Before I quit, I believed drinking was fun and that it added to my life in numerous ways. I believed it helped me be funny, helped me relax, helped me connect with my husband, etc. But there was another part of me (especially during horrendous day long hangovers) that thought, this fucking sucks! This internal debate is known as cognitive dissonance. I had two conflicting beliefs that caused me lots of stress, anxiety and shame.
The best thing I got from this book was that it aided the mind shift that I was beginning to have the day I decided to quit. Instead of feeling like I am missing out when I hang out with my friends who drink, I feel like I am getting the best of both worlds- I get to connect with my friends, have a good night’s sleep, and greet the following day with loads of energy. This book helped me realize that alcohol was not doing me any favors and instead, it was occasionally stealing full on, precious weekend days that I could have spent relaxing with my family. I love how the choice to quit drinking has simplified my life and rebuilt the way I feel about myself. I am excited about the future and so grateful for Annie and her kind and knowledgeable words to help guide me.
MAKE THE DAMN BED 